ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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