Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
