when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
