But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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