take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
