What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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