her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
