dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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