On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
