I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just pee around me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
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your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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