If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
