i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
