Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
