It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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