Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
