thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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