The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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