after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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