I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize