Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up