I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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