dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
