Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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