mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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