And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
