If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
