I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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