when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
