Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
