totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
