NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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