4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
