I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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