Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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