i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
