You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
