I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
