Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
