I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
