remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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