It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize