when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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