I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
