the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
