she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
