True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
