I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
