A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize