we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
