I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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