STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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