Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I smell stomach acid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
