the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
