I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
