we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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