The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
