Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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