Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
