woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
