I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
