I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
